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The Power (and Peril) of Praising your Kids
By Jeremy | April 25, 2007
“When we praise children for their intelligence,†Dweck wrote in her study summary, “we tell them that this is the name of the game: Look smart, don’t risk making mistakes.†... “Emphasizing effort gives a child a variable that they can control,†she explains. “They come to see themselves as in control of their success. Emphasizing natural intelligence takes it out of the child’s control, and it provides no good recipe for responding to a failure.†In follow-up interviews, Dweck discovered that those who think that innate intelligence is the key to success begin to discount the importance of effort. I am smart, the kids’ reasoning goes; I don’t need to put out effort. Expending effort becomes stigmatizedâ€â€it’s public proof that you can’t cut it on your natural gifts.And:
By and large, the literature on praise shows that it can be effectiveâ€â€a positive, motivating force. ... But all praise is not equalâ€â€and, as Dweck demonstrated, the effects of praise can vary significantly depending on the praise given. To be effective, researchers have found, praise needs to be specific. ... Sincerity of praise is also crucial. Just as we can sniff out the true meaning of a backhanded compliment or a disingenuous apology, children, too, scrutinize praise for hidden agendas. Only young childrenâ€â€under the age of 7â€â€take praise at face value: Older children are just as suspicious of it as adults.And:
Dweck’s research on overpraised kids strongly suggests that image maintenance becomes their primary concernâ€â€they are more competitive and more interested in tearing others down. A raft of very alarming studies illustrate this.And:
Students turn to cheating because they haven’t developed a strategy for handling failure. The problem is compounded when a parent ignores a child’s failures and insists he’ll do better next time. Michigan scholar Jennifer Crocker studies this exact scenario and explains that the child may come to believe failure is something so terrible, the family can’t acknowledge its existence. A child deprived of the opportunity to discuss mistakes can’t learn from them.
Topics: children, education, empowerment, self esteem, youth | No Comments »
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